The Wedding Ceremony and Blended Families

Marriage means not only the coming together of a couple and their respective families but often also the blending of the couple’s children from previous relationships. Many couples want their children involved in the ceremony to symbolise the importance of becoming a family that will grow closer and stronger into the future together.

However the truth is that the blending of all of your children, their different personalities, family values, ages, perceptions and attitudes can be a challenge on a daily basis; let alone on your wedding day. 

So how can you successfully involve your children in your wedding ceremony? 
Here are some key considerations to think about:

• Most children really love and in their own way will value being a part of the ceremony, so if you want to involve them - DO.
• It will be important to involve ALL of your children so that no one looks back on the day and feels they were not any less special as someone else. The children’s involvement could include being a part of the bridal party, a ring bearer, delivering a reading or song, walking the bride down the aisle, standing alongside the groom; they may act as witnesses for the signing of marriage license or be a part of a family ritual that you choose.
• Central to all of your decisions, discussions and potential negotiations is that it is ‘your day’ so keep this front of mind. 
• I strongly recommend you both first agree on your children’s involvement as a couple and be crystal clear on the detail before you discuss things with them. It will save many misunderstandings and upsets between all.
• Know also what the things are they will not be involved in  and what you will not negotiate on.
• When you are involving children in the bridal party consider their ages in relationship to being able to help and support you on the day. Young children, teenagers and even some young adults lack awareness of how to support you leading up to and on your wedding day. They can appear to be  only concerned about how they look or feel on the day. This can leave you both frustrated and disappointed when they do not meet your expectations. You may want to involve another adult support person with you on the day. Alternatively write a list of what the children are expected to do to help and be a part of the wedding.
• When involving young children it is important to delegate the role of babysitter or caregiver to someone known to the children or pay for a babysitter service. 
• Young children will get tired at their usual time so do plan to cater for them to either sleep in a quiet ,safe place at the reception or to be taken home to sleep by a designated person. You only get married once so we want you to enjoy all of your wedding celebrations into the night.

I am married to a wonderful man and together we are a modern day blended family or Brady bunch. Each bringing three of our own children into our relationship we now have six gorgeous children and two grandchildren. Planning your wedding to include everyone requires careful thought and diplomacy at times. I am very happy to help provide ideas and support to create the ceremony you want for your family.

Vanessa